We may earn money or products from the companies mentioned in this post.
As a youth, I remember reading about a Marvel Comics character named the DareDevil. This particular individual lost his sight as a boy when a radioactive substance fell from a speeding truck and splashed all over the innocent on-looker. The radioactive goo ended up blinding him, however, in return, all of his other senses were enhanced. In fact, his hearing became so acutely advanced that it more than compensated for his lack of sight. He learned to process sounds with a sonar-like power that allowed him to discern his surroundings almost as if he had normal vision. Eventually, this incredible ability became so perfected that it allowed him to sense the world even better than people with normal sight. Because of this amazing ability, he was fearless, and became known as “The Man Without Fear!”
In the coupon world, I am NOT the DareDevil. In fact, I think that I am the equivalent of the radioactive sludge that fell off of the truck. Scientifically speaking, I may very well be missing several coupon chromosomes, but whatever the case, I do not like to use coupons. In many ways, I have an irrational fear of coupons. Because of this profound coupon deficiency, my wife sadly knows me as, “The Man With Coupon Fear!”
It really is quite peculiar. In my everyday profession, I am a Chief Financial Officer. I negotiate with bankers and vendors. I scrutinize budgets and bills to make sure that the company resources are well spent and that we always get the best deal possible. So why is it that I dislike presenting a coupon to a cashier to maximize the family resources?
As I rationalize my behavior, I like to think that my wife has developed her amazing frugal shopping skills in large part due to my coupon cowardice. Like the comic Super Hero, because of her bargain blind husband, she has developed heightened shopping senses that allow her to identify discounts and deals, savings and steals, bargains not seen, but discovered. I have turned my wife into a Shopping Super Hero!
All that should make up for my less than enthusiastic embrace of coupons and rebates, right? Alas, I fear not. Unfortunately, in addition to her super natural shopping abilities, my little Coupon Crusader has developed some rather persuasive talents as well. Somehow, in a moment of weakness, I agreed to participate in her latest blog idea; a shopping trip where I would go do the shopping…and use coupons! Oh the inhumanity! How could I allow such cruelty to be imposed upon the male species? But, marshaling all my strength, I accepted my fate and resolved to face my fear.
To work up to this comprehensive coupon excursion, I decided to dip my toe into the cold water of the purchasing pool by using the recent Oprah KFC coupon. (Just thinking the word “Oprah” and “coupon” in the same sentence made me groan internally as I considered what I was doing.) Going down this path would forever change me. I was leaving the “spy it and buy it” rapid purchase philosophy that I have long embraced, and was embarking down the path of “planned, prudent purchasing.”
Like the alcoholic that resolves to change by pouring his whiskey down the drain, I took the first steps towards coupon commitment by first following the link on my wife’s blog, and printing out the KFC coupon. Printing the coupon would be the first step, and I decided to take it at work, away from the pressures of my wife’s oversight. As I clicked on the print button, my fears abruptly flared. What if I accidentally sent the coupon to the networked printer in the office common area? Suddenly, I visualized a nosy employee pulling the coupon off of the copier and shouting, “Hey! Who printed off this coupon for a FREE meal from KFC? ”
What would I say? I immediately began to think up an explanation. “Oh thanks, yeah that is mine…well, actually it is for my daughter…I am printing that off for her…not for me, of course….she is doing a, uh…a book report for school…on coupons…and how long it takes for them to print… from the internet. Looks like that took about seventeen seconds. Well, that should finish the research she asked me to conduct for her. I can take that off your hands.”
That might be believable…who am I kidding, that sounds ridiculous! As the gentle hum of my printer coming to life sounded in my ears, a great sense of relief washed over me. My secret was still safe. No one knows that I am going to use a coupon. Perhaps it is not too late to back out. I wonder if I buy my wife a pony if she will forget all about our coupon agreement? Girls like ponies, right? Or chocolate! Or a chocolate covered pony! Suddenly the not so quiet voice in the back of my mind silently shouted. SUCK IT UP SOLDIER! YOU ARE A CFO! IF YOU CAN HANDLE CONTRACTS, FINANCIAL STATEMENTS, AND AUDITORS, YOU CAN CERTAINLY USE A SIMPLE COUPON! Regaining my resolve, I recommitted to go to KFC for lunch…and use the dreaded “Oprah” coupon.
Preparing to leave the office, I surreptitiously stuffed the coupon into my inside coat pocket. Walking past the receptionist I waved, and thought, “Act casual, nothing unusual going on here. Just heading to lunch, someplace normal, where I’ll pay full price for some unadvertised meal.” My cool façade was seamless. To everyone else, I was certain that I looked like a normal consumer, not one of those crazy coupon clippers.
I drove to the KFC but did not park immediately. With the calm calculation of Al Capone, I drove around the store several times, checking my available exits in case the “deal” went south. Noting several potential escape routes, I summoned my courage, parked the getaway car, and stepped into the jaws of male shopping terror.
Approaching the counter I gave the cashier a warm, disarming smile. There was no sense alarming anyone. Keep the situation calm so no one would get hurt. “Hi there. I just thought I would stop in and try some of your new grilled chicken. I was planning to put it on this credit card here in my wallet…oh, what’s this? Hmm, looks like one of my wife’s coupons. I wonder how that got in there. I don’t suppose you honor these here do you?
The cashier took the coupon and began to silently scan the text. What was she doing? Why was it taking so long? Is there something wrong? Alarm bells began to sound in my head. “Just run for it! She doesn’t know your name and you can be gone before she accosts you for presenting a coupon! RUN FORREST! RUN!”
The silence was unbearable. Was there something I did wrong? Was I supposed to cut the coupon out of the paper? Are you required to neatly trim away all the excess paper? Was it supposed to be printed in color? Is there a secret gang sign I am supposed to flash that only coupon clippers know to protect their secret saving society? The quiet was suffocating? My breathing stuttered as I felt the fear compress my lungs like the frozen waters that entombed the victims of the Titanic!
Then, like the warm, healing rays from the sun, the cashier’s dispassionate response melted my anxiety. “Okay, what kind of sides would you like?” That’s it? I don’t have to submit to a drug test or provide my fingerprints and a DNA sample? I just hand her the coupon and walk out with the food? Quickly recovering, I asked for mashed potatoes to go with my chicken as I tried to act as though this was just another routine coupon transaction, one of a thousand similar transactions that experienced coupon clippers handle every day. Notwithstanding, my awkward pause and blank stare after she handed me the food may have revealed my novice nature. The confused cashier inquired, “Is something wrong?”
“Uh, no…you don’t need anything else?”
“Like what?”
“Oh nothing. Thank you.” Quickly I started to sprint for the door; freedom from coupons and cashiers awaited me on the other side of the door. But just as I reached for the handle, a deep booming voice called out. “Hey wait!” I turned to see an enormous, giant of a man striding towards me. His arms were the size of Amazon pythons fattened on the flesh of unsuspecting jungle animals. He was dressed like a common construction worker, but anxiously I wondered, “Was this the Coupon Gestapo? A Bargain Bouncer coming to cite me for some sort of savings misconduct?” My fear immediately returned as I tried to process why a complete and mammoth stranger would be coming towards me.
“Where did you get that coupon?” His gruff voice was incongruent with his pleading question. “Did you just get that meal for free? Can you tell me how to get one?” I stared at the man, bewildered, my preconceived notions of coupons crashing down all around me. I had always considered coupons to be feminine, and emasculating. Yet, here was the poster child for macho manliness asking me to help him find the “magic coupon” that would unlock his quest for free food. Like the illumination of the rising sun, this new found knowledge covered me with an understanding warmth. Coupons are not just for women, they are for the enlightened, the seekers of savings.
“Just go to ThriftyandThriving.com and all your bargain desires will be fulfilled.” Turning I humbly left the store. As I walked away, I could just barely hear the trailing conversations “…who was that bargain boy?” Just a student embarking on the path of enlightenment, certainly not a Super Hero like his wife. But perhaps, in time, he can become her devoted side kick.
Look! Its DealDevil and her faithful companion The Coupon Kid. Maybe “The Man With Coupon Fear” will someday conquer his bargain blindness and join in the fight for frugal living…
-Steve
(Check back for the next adventure detailing the events of a coupon rookie embarking on a full-fledged coupon-infested shopping excursion.)
The following post was written by my husband Steve, regarding his first ever “solo” coupon experience. It was originally published on the blog back in May 2009.
More from my husband:
What a Cute Little Pumpkin (A note to other Spouses from my husband)
Erika S says
Halarious! What fantastic writing too! Ask hubby to blog more often, my husband might actually read one if they were all like this! Good for Hubs taking on the task. Mine will shop with me with my coupons but as he puts it “they are your coupons I’m just here to make sure you get my oreos”. Keep up the writing and coupons Hubs!
Renee Vaquera says
Your husband may be alot of things, I am sure, but he can add to his list of talents an accomplished writer. This article was engaging and entertaining. I am glad he wrote it! I also think you should definitely be a superhero and a sidekick team for sure. Think of a cool name that leaves out the word devil and you should have it! Have a blessed day and thanks for sharing!
Jody says
That was awesome! Thanks so much for reposting it.
Jen P says
that was HYSTERICAL!
Jessica L. says
I know he’s written more for your blog where can we find them. I’ve been wanting to share them with my hubby for a while.
Christy says
@Jessica – At the bottom of the post I have added the links to the other things he has written. Thanks for asking!
Dani says
WONDERFUL!! I can’t wait to share with my hubby 🙂 He too has fear!
emily loiselle says
I love this! Thanks so much for sharing!
Shawnda H says
Love it! .. and can so relate!
michelle says
This was really entertaining and funny, I loved this repost.
Jeanne says
Enjoyed this again!! Thanks for the repost, Christy!